You’ve seen the same idealistic high school movies I have. You’ve probably heard the same optimistic speeches about high school being “the best time of your life” from your teachers and your parents, too. But what was once, “You’ll have more fun in high school” quickly became “You’ll have more fun in senior year,,” and from my experience, neither statements are true.
I’ve struggled with the social ladder my entire life, so maybe it’s just me overreacting, but I don’t think that’s the case. Given that I’ve never felt I’ve really had a stable group of friends, I’ve spent a lot of time observing other people and it sometimes feels like there’s a pretty clear divide in my class. That sense of friendship that’s been teased for years feels flat and I often feel as though I’m missing some crucial element in what it means to be a senior right now.
I had some expectation of feeling comfortable with those around me after being in school with them for this long, that I’d have a wider variety of people to lean on and make conversation with. But the truth is, there is no grade-wide sense of closeness and I’m almost sure I won’t speak to most of my classmates after I graduate.
Now, I’m not a total pessimist, so I can admit that in some ways high school was an improvement from middle school.
I now have two whole free periods; a luxury I never had access to in middle school. And like many teenagers, I can also drive as if the speed limit is a suggestion. So if you see a yellow car making poor choices on the road, my apologies in advance. But the biggest expectation I had for senior year–that we’d all be a little more “bonded” by now–has vanished.
I never expected us all to be holding hands and skipping in a circle or anything, but at the same time, we have been going to school together for a long time, so why aren’t we closer? I’ve known some of my peers since pre-school, and yet I’d never even consider talking to them due to this social imbalance that still feels extremely prominent. I mull over this divide often–are we really just too different? Did COVID put a cavernous divide between us because we spent what were meant to be social years stuck alone in our rooms?
What was pitched to me as the “senior experience” feels like just another year, and it’s given me a lot to think about in terms of how school has changed throughout generations. Were our parents’ grades truly less polarized than our own, or are they looking back on their high school years with rose-colored glasses? Are we breaking a pattern, or continuing a cycle? Either way, it’s something that’s been on my mind all year.
Maybe it’s too early to tell, or maybe we’ve already set the tone. I, for one, hope it isn’t the latter.
