Growing up, it seemed as though all of my peers had older brothers and sisters to look up to and ask for life advice. I envied their ability to be wise at such a young age and the fact that most of them didn’t experience a horrendous middle school fashion phase. As I attempt to navigate college applications and a social life, I find myself leaning on the second-hand advice I get from my friends and their older sisters.
When I was five years old, I begged my mom for a little sister—hoping that I could dress her up like a doll—and nine months later, that’s what I had. I love her, of course, but I couldn’t play dolls with her when I had a biology test to study for. I feel guilty for turning her away but I felt belittled and aged down when hanging out with her because she’s so much younger.
As we get older, I’m able to give her advice about what to wear on the first day of middle school and how to tell a good friend from a bad one; I give her all the advice I had wished to hear so many years ago. Sometimes I’ll even tell her about what’s going on in my life, but she’s still in her snitch phase so I err on the side of caution. While I am a mentor myself, I also wish I had someone older to go to when things go awry in my life.
Being an older sibling affects many aspects of my life younger siblings might not even think of: I have a lot of trouble opening up to my parents. Although it is my first time being a teenager, it is also my mom’s first time being a parent. Since I didn’t have an older sibling to help me with it, I feel the pressure of navigating high school and setting a good example as an older sibling, and I forget that my mom is there to figure it out with me. I’ve become so obsessed with the idea of having an older sister to look up to that I’ve forgotten to take for granted the experience and advice my mom can offer. However, being the one to break the ice of the reality of teenage life today is difficult, so I stayed closed off from my mother for a long time.
I’ve recently become more open with my mom and now she is the one to show me right from wrong as I come closer to adulthood. However, I still fall short of sharing everything with her. I envy my friends who have older sisters to turn to, but I’ve come to terms with the independence and leadership that being an older sister has shown me.
