Growing up, math was always a subject I was naturally good at. I remember in third grade, my mom and I would sit at the dinner table after eating and do algebra sheets she printed out. Each right answer made me smile—I’d always felt secure in my math skills.

That is until senior year. I enrolled in Multivariable Calculus after taking AP Calculus BC in my junior year. Everyone said the same thing: “Multi is a breeze compared to BC.” 

Yet, when I got my first test back of the year with a 62% written on it and a note stating, “please see me after class,” I didn’t know how to feel. I must not have tried hard enough. I felt like I understood the concepts during class, but maybe I just didn’t study enough, I thought. I set a goal to study more and deeper for the next test. Funny enough, I did even worse on the next test with a 60%. 

For the first time in my academic career, I was near failing a class. A part of me lost confidence in myself. I always pushed myself to take the hardest classes, and I never dropped a class. Ever.

However, as I worked on my college applications, I realized this D in math would be reflected on my first quarter transcript. The anxiety overwhelmed me as I debated  taking the class pass/fail or just dropping the class altogether—meaning I would not be taking a math class at all. At the moment, either one felt like giving up and accepting defeat.

In the end, I decided to drop Multivariable Calculus for a free period. Oddly enough, I felt an immediate relief lift from my shoulders. 

Now, I have two free periods, whereas I had never had a free before. While some part of me feels insecure in my academic capabilities, it was the best decision I made as I have accepted that Multivariable Calculus does not define me as a student.