Lying about myself to show you who I really am
“What can you tell us about yourself that we can’t see in your application? We want to know who you are and why we should want you on our campus next fall.”
Cliches like these cover the “Apply Now” pages for university websites all across the nation.
They’re lying.
As a senior who just finished the college essay process and discussed it extensively with my friends, one thing for sure is that no one is their authentic self in their college essays. In fact, they’re far from it. Colleges want us to show difficulties, triumphs, and immensely meaningful and life-altering struggles. And for a large portion of the 17 and 18 year olds applying to college, we just haven’t had those yet.
But for some reason the college process makes us feel bad about not experiencing these magical epiphanies that change our perspective of the universe within the first two decades we’re alive. In the midst of the pressure to stand out from the crowd, we lose ourselves, but schools seem to have forgotten that in order for there to be a crowd, some people have to be there. Colleges have no interest in those of us who don’t have incredible life stories; they just want to hear something unbelievable from each applicant.
For those stuck in the crowd, still waiting on that momentous instant in our lives, we’re forced to embellish, modify, or lie about ourselves and our experiences. The essay process becomes more of a battle of creativity than an expression of personality.
I understand the blame is not solely on the universities. They cannot entirely control the competitive nature of America’s youths, or the high-strung parents of today, or even the multitude of college counseling and tutoring businesses. However, by altering question phrasing or prompts, they could help to evoke more truthful and genuine essays from applicants.
Ultimately, the competitiveness of the college process pressures kids to find moments in their lives that often just aren’t there yet. Under the stress of the system, students feel forced to lie, completely counteracting the original purpose of the college essay: to tell colleges who you really are.
Amy Chatterjee • Nov 12, 2015 at 3:53 pm
You’re right about several things here. The pressure of the process makes a lot of kids feel like don’t have anything to offer if they haven’t scaled Everest or overcome dramatic challenges. And it’s true that while the prompts might indicate that they seek these stories, it’s not really the fault of the universities. Yes, they could do more, but it’s often companies and parents and rumor that send that message in a far more inaccurate and damaging way than any college does. And the worst part is that all of that misinformation and pressure lands squarely on good kids like you and your classmates. It’s not fair, and it has to stop.
But just because that’s the message kids may hear doesn’t make it true. I’ve worked as a high school counselor and I am now a private counselor who is lucky enough to work alongside many former admissions officers, including some from the most selective colleges. And I can promise you that colleges don’t expect that all 17 year-old applicants will have a transformative life experience to point to. In fact, applicants who inject drama into ordinary experiences, or who manufacturing hardship, or who outright lie—they are never as successful as the students who just tell the truth. I’ve seen successful college applicants write essays about everything from cooking with their grandmother to flipping burgers at their part time jobs. Colleges are in the business of admitting real kids, not fictional, dramatized versions of themselves.
There are over 2500 colleges out there and you shouldn’t change who you are to please any of them, even for those 35-40 who routinely reject pretty much everyone who applies. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true. Hang in there and remember that “be yourself” is great advice whether you’re 17 or 70 (even if it’s much harder to follow when you’re applying to college).
Jennifer Currie • Nov 12, 2015 at 12:38 pm
As a current Staples counselor and former college admissions counselor, I’m deeply saddened to read this. I wholeheartedly disagree and invite you to meet with me so that we can discuss.