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Ho ho horrible holiday gifts

Jackie Cope, Features Editor • December 9, 2014
Ho ho horrible holiday gifts

It’s December. It’s officially appropriate to wear God-awful ugly sweaters, eat your body weight in milk and cookies, and respond to everything with “Bah Humbug.”

It’s that time of year. But sometimes, the season of giving goes awry. Some gifts are better off not given.

According to Retail Industry, 54 percent of presents are returned. This Black Friday weekend had record low sales, with consumers buying less and spending less on what they did buy. Looks like some people aren’t feeling so jolly.

Here are the top five worst gifts to receive during the holidays. Yep, worse than coal in your stocking.

  1. Deodorant

Don’t give someone deodorant. That’s not nice. Unless they smell really bad and it’s really a problem, in which case I guess you’re doing a public service. This counts as charity, so maybe you’re on Santa’s Nice List this year.

  1. Hair brush

You might as well say their hair is a rat’s nest. Not exactly subtle. This goes along with the deodorant; giving someone a hair brush is a not so subtle nod to their lack of hygiene. Drop some hints like “Your hair is so pretty when you brush it” before you go out and buy them this insulting gift. Or buy them a hat— same job gets done.

  1. Socks

Unless you’re Albus Dumbledore, who wanted socks for real, this gift kinda lacks pizazz. But if they’re cute socks, I retract my opinion. Socks can be cool and patterned and warm. They’re like hats for feet. To be honest, if you buy any of these gifts, go for socks.

  1. Acne Wash

Uh, yeah, don’t buy this. This is like pointing out someone’s skin flaws; “Yes! You have pimples! You must want this!” doesn’t sound so tactful, does it?

  1. Diet book

In the words of Stephanie Tanner of “Full House”: “How. Rude.” Nobody wants to be told they should lose weight. That’s really hurtful, hardly a present to be thankful for. Diet books are reserved for your own impulse buy in Walgreens, only to live forever at the bottom of your closet.

This holiday is a season to be thankful, but also to be generous. Give a gift worth giving. I recommend “Elf” on DVD and a mountain of seasonal ice cream.

Edy’s peppermint bark, anyone?

 

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About the Contributor
Jackie Cope
Jackie Cope, Features Editor
Senior Jackie Cope is determined to “Make H15tory” this year,  as it is written on the windows of her car in hot pink writing. Cope is currently working on the Inklings staff as one of the features editors and is ready to bring fun, engaging, and colorful features to this year’s papers. “I am beyond excited to be in charge of features,” Cope said.  “Last year I was Opinions Editor -- still fun but I needed a change.” Some of her previous work includes a piece where she focused on the current fashion trends around Staples.  It is a prime example of everything she publishes: lively, well-researched, and thought provoking. When Cope is not reporting on pressing topics at Staples, she devotes a good amount of her time to volunteer work. This past summer, she volunteered as a teacher’s aid at Daughters Of Charity pre-school in Bridgeport, Connecticut. “To put it into simple words, my job was making sure these three to five year olds didn’t kill each other,”Cope said.  “It’s total chaos -- one minute they’re laughing at something that is minorly funny and the next they trip and end up crying as if the world is coming to an end.” Aside from having to provide constant attention, Cope very much enjoys the presence of children and viewed her time working at the school as more of a fun activity rather than a job. She explained that many people would find her job as a challenging one, since she would be, “with these kids for hours on end, every day.”  However, Cope survived, “simply by treating them as funny little humans,” she said. “I loved it so much that I still find myself sharing stories about them to my friends.” Unsure of her profession for the future, whether it includes being with children or with writing, Cope is ready to leave her mark at Staples High School. “Hopefully I will know where I will be attending school for the next four years before April,” she said. “Until then, I’m going to have fun, work hard and make my own history.”