They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
Well, I don’t.
Westport drivers, however, do.
Ok fine, maybe I have a bit of road rage. But this is only because I am provoked by the abundance of incompetent drivers who take to the streets of Westport as though their only mission is to not to reach a destination but rather to drive me absolutely out of my mind as I sweat bullets of frustration in my driver seat, white-knuckling the wheel.
A few pieces of advice if you are one of these let’s-send-Abbey-into-a-fit-of-hysterics drivers:
1) Green, believe it or not, means go. As in, stop checking your teeth in the mirror, quit scrolling through your songs, look away from the cute sweat-free runner who makes it look effortless, and GO. (**Unless the runner looks young and eligible, in which case, feel free to fake a flat tire)
2) This might sound ambitious, but stay with me here: an accident is not the most enthralling thing you’ve seen all day. I have seen far crazier things just in the hallways of Staples (i.e. teacher couples who meet for lunch, scandalous!) than a few cars including a cop or two pulled over on the side of the road to exchange insurance information. As truly captivating as that sounds, I can think of a few more exciting sights than a black semi-damaged Hyundai far more worthy of your incessant staring. So next time you pass an accident, no matter how much rear-ending occurred, please move along.
3) The word “limit” is defined as “a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass.” So when it comes to speed limits, my friends: reach them. There is nothing worse than that person who goes 18 in a 25 mph zone. Cops are generally understanding with speed limits and usually allow for about 10 miles of leeway. I am not saying to go 50 in a 25, but dare to reach 27 mph for the sake of my sanity.
So, yes, I may have some road rage. But, I seriously doubt the validity of the drivers I’ve been stuck behinds’ licenses. These “drivers” are presumably responsible for my pending ulcer and shortened life. As a result I have researched some possible solutions. A 2011 survey found that Fort Collins, Colorado, is the city with the best drivers.
Just one more green-is-apparently-the-new-red-light encounter, and I am headed West. Its gonna be one long ride.
