It was the normal chatter amongst spring fever infested juniors, all rehashing their Fridays and catching up with friends. Mr. Betts entered the field house with his usual smile and clipboard.
“Just so you all know––next week we will begin physical fitness testing,” Betts says.
And a silence fell over the what-once-was a talkative crowd.
Faces go pale. Sweat glands activate. Sheer panic sets in.
“We still have to do that?!” a troubled Lily Barsanti ’14 moans.
Yes it is true. As juniors in high school, as 17-year-old soon-to-be adults, we still have to take the physical fitness tests that have been required since elementary school. But do not fret––I will give you 5 strategies you will need to pass each section of fitness testing without shedding a drop of sweat—OK, I exaggerated, you might sweat-ewww.
- The Never-Ending Mile- Four laps around the outside track may as well be walking from here to China, well, that’s how I see it. So why tire myself out in the school day? Four laps around the track are equivalent to a mile, but who has the time for that? Just do three and record your time for that; your teacher won’t know the difference.
- The Straining Sit and Reach- As far as I’m concerned, Staples students are plenty flexible. We have the ability to juggle multiple projects, tests, lab reports and other tedious assignments. We are able to adjust to the ever-switching lunch schedule (“Wait so does English have first or second?!”). And we can bend down far enough to pick up our backpacks filled with the piles of work we have and,oftentimes, our computers (white macbook? àextra five lbs). As a Staples High School student, I have all the flexibility I will ever need. So to prevent possibly straining a muscle on the sit and reach, bend your knees and make it easier on your back. Your toes will be instantly closer to touch and you won’t have to worry about pulling a muscle crucial to your survival as a Staples student.
- The “Ouch my neck kills”-Curl-Ups. It’s hard to watch all those exercisers. As soon as they turn back, rest a bit. Then precede to follow recording “up, down 1, up, down 2…” but there’s a good chance their back will be turned for the majority of the time.
- The Impossible Push-ups- unless you are fortunate enough to have Popeye’s arms, chances are you cannot execute a perfect push-up. Not only do they expect us to reach a 90-degree angle, but to also stay down for at least a second. What more do they want from us? A plan for world peace? Obviously this test is impossible. Which is where your beautiful knees come in. When the teacher turns around, as they do on the curl-ups test, drop to your glorious knees and do not move an arm muscle for as long as you can get away with it.
- The Pacer (aka human torture)- Gym teachers stress the importance of making it to the line before the bell sounds for this test. But who has time for that? In general, teachers want you to make it to class before the bell rings, but again, that doesn’t always happen (talking to friends in the hall > being on time to class) So just stick with the pack of try-hard students, they’ll make it to the line in time but you don’t have to, just turn around and start running the other way once they do. A test called the “Pacer” root word “pace” should not force kids to sprint from line to line, so, instead hide in the crowd and be the ping-pong ball that never makes it to either paddle, just stay in the middle.
Of course I jest. Gym testing integrity is just as important as academic testing integrity. After 11 years it just gets old. So try your hardest on the tests, but make sure to not get too sweaty. No one wants to be sweaty in school.
