Once again, a blistering epidemic has swept through the halls of SHS. As in past years, a shocking number of seniors have been felled by the rather debilitating affliction known as senioritis.
Its apparent cause appears to hinge on the completion of college applications and entering the final semester of high school.
The symptoms of this disorder are easy to detect. Inability to concentrate on anything school-related is the first obvious sign, and one that’s bound to make teachers grind their teeth.
But those with the dreadful senioritis just have too much trouble staying focused when confronted with work. So just make sure you speak to them extra loudly and perhaps threaten them a bit. That might help cut through the haze.
Another interesting symptom appears to be bladder control issues. When working with the afflicted, they tend to take long “bathroom” breaks. I would say there’s a 75% chance that if your senior leaves, they won’t be back for a good 10 minutes. No need to be worried for them, however. The afflicted seem magnetically drawn to one another, so there’s a good chance they can be found together. They’ve got each other’s backs.
I’ve also heard students mention that the victims show a clear lack of interest in doing most, if any, of their work. It appears, though, that this lack of interest is just an exaggerated form of procrastination, which is already a severe epidemic throughout students at Staples.
A sign the disease has reached an advanced stage is when the afflicted take on Zombie-like behavior, characterized by blank stares and a lack of participation in group work.
At this point, the senior becomes mesmerized by his or her phone or laptop. Once those screens light up, there’s little chance that those seniors will be brought back to life. The Zombie stage is what causes the most harm to those free of the affliction. This stage, with the seniors zoned out and less likely to participate, means that most of us younger students will be left with the bulk of the work
