How many times, especially for the men, have you happily walked into the gym locker rooms only to come out feeling like a whimpering boy? Everyone has or had at least one jacked kid in his gym class— the one who can’t help but look like a brawny Abercrombie model every time he takes off his shirt to change. And almost everyone has shamefully looked at him flex his eight pack in a way that said “you have no testosterone in your body- keep your shirt on.”

So you ask, what is the solution to this problem; the bow flex, protein shakes, steroids, or your mother’s shake weight? The answer is actually none of the above— my guaranteed lifetime solution is to simply look at the pros and cons of bodybuilding, and realize that it is a waste of time (if you do lift, this is nothing personal- in other words, please don’t hurt me).

Let’s first look at this situation short term— bodybuilding requires a huge amount of work with minimal reward. I know from firsthand experience that it is painful—the 45 minutes of daily workout that men’s fitness magazine recommends is no stroll in the park. Going through the recommended routines- whether it be the Men’s Fitness 99 rep (for the 99 percent) “Occupy Wall Street Workout”, or the Magazine’s “Building a King- Size Back” deadlift workout requires an excruciating tolerance for pain. If you don’t believe me, try squatting while holding a 50 pound object for the next two minutes and see how you feel.

There is also a great risk of injury when lifting heavy weights, even death. According to Marty Gallagher, writer for Muscle and Fitness Magazine, factors such as incorrect technique, too much weight, a bad spotter, or a lack of concentration can cause accidents. Such mistakes seem small and insignificant- but unfortunately they can have dire consequences. No amount of muscle, protein, or sex appeal will help if you make a miscalculation before lifting.

Maybe all this effort and risk would be worth it if you were guaranteed incredible, long-lasting results; but unfortunately this is not the case. One sprained ankle or one week of not emulating Mike the Situation could morph you back into the scrawny child you once were. Lifting doesn’t provide vacations.

Everyone has at some point lost muscle faster than it was gained, and thus felt what Austin Powers would call a “mojo shortage.” The rate at which it is lost varies from person to person, but one must only compare 50 cent and Arnold Schwarzenegger to their former selves to comprehend how rapidly muscle can deteriorate.

Unfortunately this explanation doesn’t solve everything. Some people might still be thinking, “I need large biceps because females like them.” Firstly, I think it would help our situation if people stopped making dumb comments like that. Secondly, most females care about other qualities more than muscle, a truth supported by my mother marrying my father.

I can even be mathematical in proving this point— looking at celebrity men with the prettiest wives, it becomes clear that there is very little correlation between muscle and sex appeal.

Scarlet Johansson’s preferred body type= Ryan Renolds(scrawny).

Angelina Jolie’s preferred body type= Johnny Lee Miller (scrawny British actor) + Billy Bob Thorton (gaunt- and screwed up in the head), + Brad Pitt (sometimes ripped- depending on film)

Marilyn Monroe’s preferred body type= Jim Dougherty (average, skinny policeman) + Joe Dimaggio (Yankees Legend who looks like Babe Ruth divided by two) + Arthur Miller (scrawny playwright).

For those who still are set on “maxing out” every other day and emulating the diet of Rocky, just remember that there other ways to get strong without all the risk. In moderation, pull ups, pushups, and sit-ups can allow adults to feel younger, and adolescents not to raise domestic childhood obesity statistics.

You can still be strong without all the heavy lifting. Many athletes like NFL legend and MMA fighter Herschell Walker, as verified by a 1991 interview with theAcademyofAchievement, do pushups and other non- lifting exercises to stay ripped.

So if you insist on putting yourself through all the trouble, then lift away. Just remember that you are wasting your time; Scarlet Johansson won’t notice you anytime soon.