Jesse Heussner ’11Features Editor

Westport is missing something.

Many will point to the absence of a movie theater,  and others will point to the absence of a bowling alley or any sort of legitimate social scene downtown, but Westport can survive without all these things.

What Westport is really missing, however, is a Chipotle restaurant chain.

For those who have been living under a rock since Chipotle’s creation in 1993 (don’t worry, I was one of those people before I first stumbled on it this past summer), Chipotle is essentially six dollars worth of Mexican goodness packed into a gigantic fresh burrito or taco.

“What!?” you’re thinking. “Yeah, Westport’s only problem is the lack of another Mexican food chain.  Good one.” I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I am so right.

First of all, Chipotle isn’t another old-fashioned restaurant chain. It’s something new, fresh and in reality, really good.

 Even food critics, who are consistently anti ‘fast food,’ are in unanimous support of the burrito.

The “Westword” calls Chipotle “Damn near perfect.” The Washington Post said, “Chipotle’s burritos are so flavorful, they are almost startling.” Jeez, even the Wall Street Journal dubs Chipotle as a chain that “brings the best quality, sustainably raised ingredients to everyone.”

Get my point?

I hope so. I understand that we have enough fast food places as it is, but Chipotle does it right.           

It’s completely mind-boggling to me that Connecticut does not have one Chipotle restaurant. Not one. That means that states like Rhode Island, Utah, and Oregon are out- eating us. Connecticut, get your act together!

The funny thing is that despite the absence of Chipotle, Westport still caters to the genius that is Arby’s and Taco Bell. It’s ridiculous.

Someone tell me, who in their right mind would go to Arby’s?

I didn’t know there was such high demand for bad roast beef sandwiches. I mean, it’s not like you could just throw some roast beef on two pieces of bread and make one at home.

Great business they’ve got going on there.

And come on; let’s think outside the bun. I mean really, who needs Chipotle when you have Taco Bell?

It’s always better to substitute fresher ingredients with ground up meat and two-year old lettuce. Who wouldn’t want to have a taco full of E.coli anyway?

Even funnier: Taco Bell, in a lot of areas, is now sharing their restaurant space with KFC. It’s just blatantly obvious that the CEO’s of these food chains are completely clueless.

I can just imagine the conversation between the owners of the two chains:

Taco Bell Owner: “So Stan, I was thinking: let’s combine our two chains into one mega-chain. Subway won’t know what to do.”

KFC Owner: “Are you serious?”

Taco Bell: “Heck yeah I am! Think about all of the options customers would have.”

KFC Owner (rubbing tummy): “That is true. Come to think of it, I had an enchilada filled with fried chicken last night. Let’s do it.”

I understand that the thought of a Chipotle is foreign to some, but it really is what Westport needs.

 No one really hangs out at McDonald’s or Burger King anymore, and other than local pizza joints, there really aren’t any go-to fast food restaurants.

Chipotle would thrive here, believe me.

 It’s cheap, really fast, and better than anything you’d get for the price.

I was just in Washington and there was a line of 20 people standing outside Chipotle’s entrance at 10:50 a.m. prior to its 11 a.m. opening. No joke.

Chipotle’s slogan says it best: “It’s food with integrity.”

We need you, Chipotle.