Humans are far from perfect. In fact, they’re quite the opposite. We’re almost single-handedly poisoning the environment, and nowadays it seems like we just can’t get along. However, humans do have one worthwhile trait that sets us apart: we’re incredibly easy to make fun of. No matter the situation, people find a way to make an absolute fool of themselves, and friends and family are always nearby to point and laugh.
Staples students are not exempt from these embarrassing moments.
Elizabeth Coogan ’14
While waiting in line to enter the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, the ‘cay-utest’ boy caught the eye of Elizabeth Coogan ’14. “He was wearing sneakers, but they were European-like ones, and he had on sunglasses and his hair was perfect,” Coogan said.
After a few minutes of awkward glances, the situation got out of control. A flock of pigeons, or, as Coogan describes them, “the worst birds ever put on this planet,” flew overhead. Lacking common courtesy, one of the pigeons decided to unload the contents of its bowels into the crowd. And of course, Coogan got hit smack on the forehead.
After frantically trying to wipe the glob of poop off her face, Coogan left the astonished boy behind and found refuge in a nearby crepe restaurant, where Europeans were eager to help the unfortunate teenager. “I was freaking out,” said Coogan. “Girls can relate to how awful it would be for a bird to poop on your head.”
Alexandra Rappaport ’13
At the mall with a friend around Christmas time, Alexandra Rappaport ’13 did what most teenage girls do: shop for holiday gifts. Midway through her shopping experience, Rappaport noticed that on a level below her, a pianist was playing calm music while children lined up to sit on Santa’s lap. Unlike other girls, who might choose a big sale at J-Crew over Santa, Rappaport sprinted towards the jolly old man and proceeded to tumble down the entire set of stairs. Not only did the pianist stop playing out of concern, but Santa had the audacity to turn and laugh.
“I’m an idiot, and it was just really awkward,” said Rappaport. “I won’t be going back to that mall around Christmas time again.”
Will Andrews ’16
A young Will Andrews ’16 was having a rough day at the mini-golf course. Comfortably in dead last with the end of the round approaching, Andrews decided to wander over to a nearby mock witch’s cauldron. While these large black pots are generally just for show, curiosity sank in, and he leaned over the edge to get a closer look at what might be brewing. Sure enough, Andrews toppled over the edge, landing face first in the wet cauldron.
After his mother ran over and pulled him out by the legs, a drenched Andrews endured endless laughter by his family members and other putt-putters.
To this day, the freshman remains frightened by the prospect of ending up on a witch’s dinner menu. “I had to leave the room the last time I saw the Wizard of Oz,” said Andrews. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it through Macbeth this quarter.”
Will Haskell ’14
After the mom of Will Haskell ’14 left for the grocery store to pick up some dinner, he stripped down in preparation for his Sunday afternoon shower. Remembering that he might not be done by the time his mom got home, Haskell ran downstairs butt naked to unlock the door. As he reached the bottom, he noticed a rather large man approaching. Given that his door has a huge glass window, returning up the stairs unnoticed would not be possible. So, in a moment of panic, Haskell dove into the corner of the room, just out of sight.
The man knocked, and yelled from outside, “Hello? Anybody home?” The unprotected Haskell froze. The man, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, easily exceeded 250 pounds. Just as Haskell was about to make a run for it, he noticed the man bend down and grab the key under the doormat.
A few seconds later, the door opened. The mysterious man turned Haskell’s way. Upon the encounter, each let out a scream.
Unbeknownst to Haskell, the man was the family plumber, there to fix a pipe. Still, Haskell remains scarred. “I’ve promised myself to never run downstairs naked again,” Haskell said. “I get scared every time someone knocks on the door.”
