Lately, listening to the radio brings my faith in humanity down exponentially each time I tune into the most popular stations in the Northeast. Every minute that I am subjected to the ridiculous commentary on Z100’s “Elvis Duran and the Morning Show” or 106.1 BLI’s nasally commentators “Dana and Jeffrey in the Morning,” I mourn the loss of musical intelligence and lyricism.
Taylor Swift plays a key role in this fierce opposition.
The truth is always hard to hear, and I get that, but Taylor Swift’s so-called “music” is even harder to hear. The only thing T-Swiz has going for her is her hair, which is indubitably gorgeous. It’s blonde, and it can go either way—it looks fantastic whether it’s straight or curly.
However, her songs do not contain the same harmonious beauty as her golden tresses.
In fact, the majority of her songs are just middle school insults repeated a dozen times over and inspired solely by her hatred for the entire male race.
Apparently, at the ripe age of 22, she has been rejected, offended and wronged by guys enough times to get six Grammys out of the deal. If I had to glean specific incidents based off her lyrical descriptions, I would say that these horrendous and monstrous ex-boyfriends have been “mean, and pathetic, and a liar, and mean” to Taylor, leading her to rightfully question, “Why you gotta be so mean?” While I sympathize with this mistreatment, I have to wonder what could have possibly happened to T-Swiz to make her love life such a nightmare.
Did she not get asked to prom?
Luckily, she’s not fooling anyone. Taylor Swift’s most popular song right now, “We are Never Getting Back Together,” makes it perfectly clear that she has zero experience in the dating world.
Her lyrics in the new song, which is about an on and off relationship, are definitely catchy, yet they are the most unexceptional and generic account of a break-up. She may have had the genius idea of repeating her song title upwards of 10 times in her song, and even had the wisdom to add “never, ever, ever, ever” a few times too, but it just doesn’t tug at my heartstrings to hear Taylor Swift sing, “I say I hate you, we break up, you call me, I love you.”
The truth of the matter is I don’t see any evidence of music in Taylor Swift songs. I see a young blonde from Pennsylvania with far too much teen angst and pent-up boy-anxiety to express herself like a normal person. Music doesn’t have to be about being victimized by the trials and tribulations of adolescent heartache—especially not when you’re 22 and have had the good fortune to date both John Mayer and a Kennedy.
My advice for T-Swiz: Channel your misplaced anger into something else—maybe Disney channel movies, which tend to have the same heartbroken plot twists and weak insults as your songs.
