“It’s really funny, I promise.”
It’s entirely likely that the above sentence has made its way out of my mouth upwards of 800 times in the months since the Twitter Renaissance of 2011. A lot of people at Staples call me “artsy,” “trendy,” “annoying,” “go away,” and as someone who pretty much invented Twitter, I think that these words describe me well.
For a few months, a certain someone (The Internet) has been helping me find the funniest accounts on Twitter. In my humble, completely unpretentious opinion, the following four accounts (arbitrary numbers are really in these days) are the absolute funniest on Twitter. Some of them are run by real-life humans, one of them is run by a real-life robot, and none of them are run by real-life horses.
1. Rob Delaney, @robdelaney
Rob Delaney is the self-proclaimed Twitter King of Comedy. Delaney, a standup comedian who also writes for Vice Magazine, is a master at crafting wildly inappropriate (and hilarious) tweets about topics like Newt Gingrich, squirrels, and celebrity scandals. If those subjects seem remarkably random, that’s because they are remarkably random. Delaney uses a function of Twitter called “Retweeting” (RT) to make it seem as if famous, important people tweeted silly, asinine things. Delaney once tweeted, “Stop it. RT @BarackObama: I wonder if a really rich person has ever had a Bar Mitzvah for their dog.” Attempting to choose the “best” Rob Delaney tweet is a difficult task, but the following tweet is certainly up there with the best: “Do you guys have a favorite pope? Mine is probably THE pope.”
2. Jon Hendren, @fart
Jon Hendren, who goes by @fart on Twitter, spends much of his time trekking through the dark depths of Twitter in order to find (and retweet) remarkably embarrassing tweets written by ordinary people. Hendren focuses on “First World Problems,” or trivial issues that Americans complain about on Twitter. His best set of retweets occurred early on Christmas morning. Some samples: “Just cried for like 2 hrs straight cause i didn’t get a car.” “No Iphone. I hate my dad.” “Didn’t get the iPhone for Christmas #pissed #nottalkingtomyparentsagain.” Hendren gives his Twitter followers a wonderful insight into the world of First World Problems through his tweets. @fart is a must-follow.
3. Horse Ebooks, @Horse_Ebooks
This is perhaps the most unintentionally funny Twitter account in recent memory. The general story behind Horse Ebooks begins in a small village in Russia… Well, it begins somewhere in Russia. It could have started in a big city. I’m not really sure. Regardless, a man named Alexei Kouznetsov began selling ebooks (electronic, computer-friendly books) about horses on the Internet. To gain more traffic on his website, Kouznetsov created a Twitter account that used an algorithm to tweet random quotes from random ebooks about horses, and thus, @Horse_Ebooks was born. Sometimes the tweets are quasi-complete sentences, such as, “Their negativity only served to push me deeper into the realms of soap making,” and, “Worms – oh my god WORMS.” Sometimes the tweets are just a few words, such as, “Pumpkin Jokes.pdf,” and, “An army of groundhogs.” Either way, @Horse_Ebooks is definitely worth a follow.
4. Megan Amram, @MeganAmram
Where does one begin to describe the wonder that is Megan Amram? She epitomizes all that is funny on the Internet. She is blissfully (and intentionally) oblivious to all social norms. She dissects pop culture in gloriously oblivious way. Amram takes topics that are downright inappropriate and turns them into tweets that leave me in hysterics on a truly regular basis. It is remarkably difficult to choose the highlights of Megan Amram’s tweets, as she tweets about once a day, and each tweet is equally hysterical. That being said, here are some of my favorites: “Just had my yearly checkup at the Green Cross… Turns out I’m colorblind!!” “THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!” On New Year’s Day, Amram tweeted, “R.I.P. 2011 (2011-2011).” Amram’s humor isn’t always quite so blunt. Occasionally, it is quite subtle. For example, on January 24, 2012, Amram tweeted, “Just finished my first 2010 New York Marathon!” Megan Amram never fails to make me laugh, and it is for this reason that I proclaim that she is the most funny person/robot/horse on Twitter.
